Friday, August 12, 2011

Opening This Weekend: Tons of People Dying

None more tragic than theater goers this weekend.

Final Destination 5 - Here we go again. We have all seen this a million times before (well actually, four times before) and it is always the same deal. Let me save you a few dollars.

It starts with a big drawn out scene showing in detail the gruesome deaths of every poor person on the plane/highway/roller coaster/bridge. But then the main character wakes up and yells "We need to get off this plane/highway/roller coaster/bridge!" They do that; one of the other guys yells at him and says "You are crazy, nothing was going to..." and is interrupted by the plane/highway/roller coaster/bridge blowing up. Foreboding black man shows up and tells them you can't cheat death. One by one, each of the high school stereotypes are killed off. Each one has a very elaborate lead up with one little thing going wrong, which snowballs into a massive death trap. But the character always avoids the deathtrap, only to be killed by something little a second later. In the end, the hero rescues his girl from death, and they sit down to enjoy life. But something bad is happening behind them, and as soon as it is about to hit them, BOOM!, credits roll. Every time it is the same thing.

Despite my cynicism, these aren't too bad of films. They are very watchable just because of the absurdity of some of the situations. My only problem was the last movie was in 3D too, and did not take much advantage of the effects. Hopefully this does better, considering they can do pretty much anything. My other complaint is the numbering. The last film was simply called The Final Destination in an attempt to reestablish, if not purely reboot, the series. Yet now it goes back to numbers. What the hell Hollywood?

30 Minutes Or Less - Kenny Powers and Terry from Reno 911 strap a bomb onto Mark Zuckerberg and make him rob a bank. This is based loosely on a true story. Loosely because it implies American banks still have money. This is getting meh reviews, and to say it looks only meh is a compliment in my opinion, despite the strong following it has already built. I like the cast, I hate the director (Zombieland just isn't a good movie), but I can really get behind more comedies based off real crimes. Think of the possibilities: Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill are The DC Snipers. Fund it.

The Help - In a 1962 Mississippi, Emma Stone becomes great friends with the two black maids who raised her. The book it based on has been one of the world's top selling books for two straight years, so that should mean something. Did you know this is the third Emma Stone movie in four weekends? The odds are she has to be in a good movie eventually.

Glee: The 3D Concert Movie - I don't even want to figure out how many movies and TV shows Jane Lynch has been in the past month. My brain couldn't handle it. Then my brain hurt even more when I found out Jane Lynch is NOT in this movie. She even filmed scenes for it, and they were deleted. She's still in the commercials though. I dunno. This isn't anything special, just a video for the tour the Glee cast recently did. These concert movies are getting pretty popular with the kids these days, but why are they in 3D? Is Cory Monteith really going to jump off the screen at you? No, it is just a marketing ploy to...wait, why do I know Glee cast members?

Senna - A documentary about Ayrton Senna, one of the best Formula One racers ever. He died in a car accident, so he apparently wasn't that good. This is the highest grossing documentary in British history, but doesn't hold a candle to the grosses of Michael Moore. So films like Fahrenheit 9/11, Roger€ & Me, and  Bowling For Columbine show how America is simply the all around better country.


  1. Jane Lynch's scenes in the "Glee" 3D movie will be featured in the DVD/Blu-Ray extras. I do get the appeal of the "Final Destination" movies somehow.

  2. The title of this post alone is worth the read. I look forward to your synopsis (what's the plural, synopsisis?) of the weekend movies every week. Well done.

  3. i have to say.
    i love finaly destination:)
    love that movie:)
    but im afraid to look at the movie haha

    New outfitpost- New clothes

  4. I like Jane Lynch, sucks if she got shafted

  5. They're making a Glee movie, my god, the horror.