Opening This Weekend: Hope You Like Aliens

Cowboys &. Aliens -- James Bond, Han Solo, and Oscar Wilde's imaginary granddaughter star in this comic-book movie by the former Iron Man director. I'm not 100% sure on the plot, but I think it has to do with aliens fighting the Dallas Cowboys. That explains how Jerry Jones looks like he leads The Syndicate in X-Files.  This films had tons of hype leading up to its premiere at Comic-con. Then people actually saw it. The verdict: At least it looks good.

Attack The Block -- This had the opposite effect. It slowly built up hype until it exploded at Comic-con. The Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead) produced flick has aliens landing in a British ghetto, something that doesn't please the gangs too well. One of the gangs is led by Wright mainstay Nick Frost, meaning UK gangs are much more fun than US gangs. This has won multiple awards already, as has been called a cross between District 9 and Reservoir Dogs. Well it just won another award for "Weirdest Comparison Ever". This recently got bumped up from a limited release, but it still may be hard to find at your local theater.

The Smurfs -- KILL IT WITH FIRE! I guess Smurfs are kinda like aliens, and this movie does look more dangerous than a Xenomorph invasion. The most prominent preview for this film has one of the Smurfs constantly making a vuvuzela sound, and the other characters are saying how annoying he is. Let me repeat, they are selling this movie by a scene that is so annoying, the people in the movie can't stand it. Why does this movie exist? Are Smurf fans really that vocal? Did the film studios think Yogi Bear, Underdog, Astro Boy, and all those other films flopping was just a fluke? Did they even watch the old shows? What is up with Papa Smurf's voice? This probably won't even have the blatant sexism that made the old series such a classic.

Crazy, Stupid, Love -- The previews for this move have been playing for months now. I am really surprised it is just now coming out. Steve Carrell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, Kevin Bacon, and a few less important people fall in love. There's a little crazy involved, but mostly stupid. The critics seem to like this so far, so I guess lightning can strike twice for this same creative team who made Bad Santa.

The Fut Ure -- Yeah, it is really stylized like that. Miranda July writes, directs, and stars in a semi-autobiographical tale of a talking cat (played by July) who tells July (played by July) what to do with her life. Have fun discussing this one at Starbucks.

The Devil's Double -- It's about Uday Hussein's body double. I only like this because of an inside joke. Too long, don't care: We lost trivia night because my best friend wrote down Rob Zombie's The Double Rejects. So I would love to run this title by him. Too bad that won't happen. That trivia ended our friendship.

Life in a Day -- A "time capsule" of people around the world recording their everyday lives. On one hand, this is an interesting premise. On the other, this sounds like the most boring movie ever.

Thundercats -- HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Cartoon Network is premiering the new Thundercats cartoon Friday (in just an hour actually). It looks so good, it makes me want to go back to the 80s and relive my childhood. It's the opposite of Smurfs, which makes me want to go back to the 80s and dip all those Smurf toys into vats of Aquadots.

Alien vs Aliens

If only Gary Busey was in Aliens. Literally.

Since I did the first two Predators, it's only fair I do the first two Aliens as well. This is slightly different, since both of these movies are universally praised, and I think public opinion on which is better is pretty much split 50/50. So this shouldn't shock too many people, but Aliens (2) > Alien.

In fact, I'm going to make a bold statement and say Aliens is my single favorite movie. This is looking at it from every way possible: The acting, the directing, the creature effects, the writing, the cinematography, even the editing combine to really make this the perfect movie. To top it off, the subtexts of the film are actually pretty powerful.

The main point of the film is a battle between two mothers On one side, there's Sigourney Weaver/Ripley, who was cryogenically frozen for years between the two films. During that time, she lost her daughter, but she is given a second chance when she finds Newt, the only survivor of the colony after the aliens torn it apart. On the other side is the Xenomorph Queen, and all of her hatchlings who were being killed by Ripley. Then as far as the marines go, the movie is an allegory of the Vietnam war. They have such better weapons and technology, but they are being killed by these aliens hiding in shadows. The great thing is, you can watch this differently every time, and still get so much enjoyment out of it.

Aliens was director James Cameron's second big movie after Terminator (which was actually a flop at first, and didn't develop much of a following until after it went to VHS) and the studio didn't trust him much. Ha. Let me repeat, the movie studio did not think James Cameron could make a successful movie. Aliens would gross $131 million, which really isn't that great considering Cameron's Titanic and Avatar combined for 4.5 BILLION dollars. Anyway, Avatar is the EXACT SAME MOVIE as Aliens, except with cute glowing blue cat people instead of nightmarish phallic bloodthirsty monsters. A big part of both movies involved the corporate guy trying to use the aliens for profit. He might as well have been the exact same character.

Now lots of people say you can't compare the two Alien films since they are such different genres. True, the original Alien is mainly a thriller while the sequel is action packed as you get. But, the second one is still unbelievably scary. The alien fights were so intense, you never get a chance to sit back in your chair for the last hour and a half. And that scene with the facehuggers... shutters. Aliens has so many more thrills than the original. There is just so much more to the sequel, it is just such a better movie.

And again, the first Alien is still a classic, and the chest bursting scene will go down as one of the greatest moments in movie history. The android scene is a truly underrated great scene too.

Aliens 3 and 4 and the VS films range from ok to horrible, but none of them have any of the magic that the first two do. Maybe I'll get into those some day when I hate myself more.

Speaking of hate, what is the deal with Ridley Scott's new Alien prequel? At first it was going to be about the humans, and not have aliens in it at all. Huh? The originals do a great job with the characterization of the humans while still having plenty of alien slaughter. I mean, Ripley is considered one of the greatest characters on film even from mainstream sources. Now it has aliens, but it's not called Aliens but Prometheus or something. I don't know, but Scott making a Monopoly movie. As in the board game. I'm done with him.

One final note, Aliens ends perfectly. Both films end with the exact same scene, her going to sleep in the cryo-chamber. Pay attention to her at the end of the first and at the end of the second. It's the same scenario with the same character, but with a completely different outlook of life. It's a perfect contrasting harmony.