Box Office Round Up: Rise (Albeit Slowly) of the Apes

Ho-hum weekend. Rise of the Apes took home number one at the box office with $54 million. Now there are several ways you could judge how successful a movie is. Compared to its relatively tiny budget ($93 million with some of the best CGI to date. Smurfs cost $110 million and it looks like a high school project) it took in a pretty nice haul. It should also take in some pride considering people are actually liking it. But comparing the number of tickets sold to the number of TV spots, the ratio isn't even close.

However, I think the true test of successitude is comparing something to its crappy Tim Burton remake. Planet of the Apes made $14.5 million more than this, and that's 2001 money. Therefore, Rise of the Apes is a colossal failure. In other news, Disney's 1951 version of Alice in Wonderland is the biggest bomb ever.

Despite narrowly losing to Cowboys & Aliens last weekend, the Smurfs pulled out a big victory this time around. The blue guys made $21 million (a 41% drop) vs. the old guys' $15.7 million (a 57% drop). Neither are near their budgets though. My first thought was that the bad reviews brought the Cowboys down, but considering Smurfs had genocidal reviews...

Speaking of bad reviews, The Change-Up was fourth with $13.5 million. This has a shockingly high budget of $52 million, $0 of which went to writing. Jason Bateman shouldn't feel too bad, as his Horrible Bosses (#9) crossed the $100 million mark this weekend. But this is the fourth flop in a row for Ryan Reynolds after Green Lantern, Buried, and Paperman. The last two made $1.05 million combined despite huge film fest hype. Guess you can't replace your abs with merit like the good old days.

Captain America was fifth with $13 million on the weekend, $143 million life to date. Thor had made $145 million at this point of its release, so now we all know Marvel can make consistent movies. Cap adds another $105 million international, and while the movie has yet to open in Germany or Japan, its biggest non-(North or South)American foreign gross comes from Italy, the Axis people forget about.

Finally, Harry Potter is still making some money. It now has made one billion, one hundred and thirty-three million, nine hundred thousand dollars world wide. That moves it into third place for highest grossing movie ever, behind only Titanic ($1.843 billion) and Avatar ($2.782 billion). It is also stealing the hype away from Transformers 3, which moves into seventh place all-time with $1.037 billion. Perhaps the US Government should start asking James Cameron, Michael Bay, and J.K. Rowling for money.

Opening This Weekend: Animals and Comedians Revolting

The Missing Link?

Rise of the Conquest of the Battle of the Escape of the Return of the Beneath of the Planet of the Apes -- This looks very good despite the studios shoving a stupid title down our throats, and the critics seem to agree so far. James Franco creates a smart ape, possibly while high, who in turn creates a ton more smart apes, and they overthrow humanity because the zookeepers make fun of them. We all knew Kevin James was going to be the end of us. WETA Workshop, the crew behind Lord of the Rings, Avatar, and District 9 among others, provided the special effects. That means the effects are very good. And Andy Serkis [pictured] (Gollum, King Kong) did the motion capture for the apes. That means the apes are more apelike than real apes.

The Change-Up --  Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman, two well off people, switch bodies. It's like the Prince and the Pauper, but instead it is the Prince and the Prince. It's not as exciting, and the critics again seem to agree. When I first saw a preview for this, it was immediately after Reynolds in Green Lantern (which may have been good if WETA was in charge of it) and Bateman in Horrible Bosses. It's like they combined the previews. Olivia Wilde, who was just in Cowboys & Aliens, is in this too, meaning this really is the chop suey of Summer movies.

Also, has anyone else noticed that the ads for new movies have octupled in the past few weeks? My theory is people think since Harry Potter made a billion dollars, their movie can too with enough advertising. Because we all know that is the only reason why people saw Harry Potter.

The Whistleblower -- Rachel Weisz plays a small town cop who joins the UN in Bosnia as they turn a blind eye to sex trafficking. Based on a true story. This was made as Oscar bait, but it is falling apart in the minds of critics. Needs more Ryan Reynolds, imo

Magic Trip -- A documentary about the Merry Pranksters who went on a road trip across America in 1964. In today's terms, it's about drug addicts escaping police jurisdiction. The Pranksters include Ken Kesey (author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), Neal Cassidy (Bono's character in Across The Universe), Jerry Garcia (of the Grateful Dead), and a few imaginary people they met on their acid trips. 

Bellflower -- New comer Evan Glodell directs and stars in a bleak film where he builds weapons just in case an apocalypse happens. A prequel to Mad Max? Sign me up. Seriously, this sounds great, and it is getting tons of praise on its unique film style. Made on zero budget, Glodell custom made a camera using other old camera parts, providing a dirty and raw picture. Look at this beast:

Wait, a Mac Book Pro? Ok, this is definitely not a zero-budget film.