Thursday, September 1, 2011

Experience Star Wars Like You Never Have Before

...with more rocks

The Star Wars Blu-Rays are just around the corner (it's like we are back in 2006). Despite Lucas saying the movies were going to be left intact this time, we all knew he was lying. Here are some of the brilliant changes made to make the movies into the more complete vision old Georgy originally had.

-R2D2 has more rocks in front of him, for some strange reason.
-Ewoks blink, for some strange reason.
-Jabba's Palace door is now five times the original size, for some strange reason.
-Obi-Wan scares the Sand People off with a new blood-curdling inhuman scream, for some strange reason.
-The puppet Yoda in Episode I has been replaced with a CGI Yoda, for actually a good reason. That puppet - the original one they used back in 1979 - was falling apart during Phantom Menace. Also, a change to a prequel can't possibly make it any worse.
-Any open space has been replaced by a CGI Tie-Fighter, for some strange reason.
-And finally, for some strange reason, during the single most climatic scene in the entire series, they added in Darth Vader saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" This scene serves two purposes: to bookend Revenge of the Sith and Return of the Jedi, for some strange reason. And to weaken the mystique that has made Darth Vader one of the greatest fictional characters of all time.

Don't worry people. These will all be changed again in two years when the inevitable 3D Star Wars films are released.

(BTW, I haven't been on as of late because my internet sucks. Great job AT&T. I'm glad your merger fell through.)


  1. Wow, they really are squeezing every last penny out of this franchise...

  2. It's been said that artists are never happy with the finished product. This is no more apparent than obviously OCD Lucas. If he's so steeped in this franchise that he's worrying about inconsequential minutia like rocks in front of R2D2, an intervention is necessary to inform him it's time to move on from something he did 30 years ago to do something new...or at the very least tell him his weird chin-strap beard needs to be shaved or CGI'd out because it's not fooling anyone.

  3. that has to be fake... come on... really?

  4. I don't know why George Lucas has to keep monkeying around with his work. Yes, many artists are never happy with the finished product. BUT that doesn't mean that once it's out there, they're gonna try and change it and monkey around with it. For instance, Terry Gilliam in his commentary on "Brazil" has said that he sees flaws in that film all the time and that if he had the chance to make the film all over again, he would not have made the same choices but he will not change the film he made as it is, because that's the film he made AT THE TIME. Robert Wise too in his commentary of "The Day The Earth Stood Still", he was asked why he didn't opt to digitally erase the strings during the scene where Patricia Neal gets carried by GORT the robot: Because it wasn't the film he made at the time. He wanted the film to be presented as it is, warts and all.

  5. I hope he adds a new character to the original trilogy.

  6. Wait, wait, wait... Greedo shot first??? =P

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